Default in My Charts

As a young athlete who had to have yearly sports physicals, my parents took advantage of the free physicals and examinations that were offered through the school system.  Students from all across the county would line up at a selected school on a Saturday, and wait expecting that everything would be fine leaving with the official "ok" to play sports in the year ahead.  Well, most people walked out with the "ok," but not this girl. 




In 6th grade, the teachers lined all of us up, and we went in the room one by one.  I walked out with a failed physical, because one of my hips was higher than the other, and they thought I had scoliosis.  After several specialist follow-up appointments, it was determined that I did not have anything.  In the Summer before my 8th Grade year, we lined up at Brentwood High School.  I was so excited, because I had made the Freshman Basketball Team, and couldn't wait to go to camp that Summer.  I left with a failed physical due to what they thought to be a heart murmur.  After several specialist appointments, it was determined that my heart was fine, only that when it beats, it sounds like lub-sha-dub, rather than lub-dub.  The doctor said I was fine, and released me to play sports. 


I'm not sure why my mom insisted that I go to any other "free" physicals, because she paid more for specialists than 1 office visit, but she took me one more time.  Only this time, I ended up visiting several doctors for what seemed to be signs of diabetes.  All visits turned out to be fine, and again, I got to play another year. 




Finally, my mother decided that we would not worry about "free" physicals anymore.  That was a time of an underlying tone of a lesson I should have learned then as a young person...nothing in life is easy, free or convenient...OR cheaper doesn't always mean the best.






Now, I'm a mom of two.  We avoid "free" exams like the plague...well, except that one time.  Two years ago, a group came to school to test hearing for free.  My youngest didn't want to be left out, so she failed to bring the form home for me to sign opting out of the "free" exam.  So, she goes, they test, and voila...you guessed it...I had to take her to the pediatrician for a follow-up appointment, which led to yes, you guessed it...an appointment with a specialist.  Again, the same lesson...NOTHING in life is free nor is it EASY! 






I got married in September 2013.  In November, we found out we would be expecting a baby in August.  I am employed by a hospital, and there just happens to be an OB practice next door.  I chose them, not only for the convenience, but also, they are in my insurance network.  All charges will be less, because they are in my network.  At 10 weeks, I was strongly encouraged, because of my age, to have a Non-Invasive Prenatal Test performed that would give us the risk for the pregnancy.  Results returned with a 99% chance our baby would have Down Syndrome.  Why wasn't I surprised?  Let me see, the doctor's office was convenient and it was more economical.  I was overwhelmed with grief.  Day after day, I walked past the door where the boxes sat for the courier with the name of the company who read the results. 




In the back of my mind, I thought I would go to a specialist, as they did send me, and the specialist would look and say, "The test was wrong.  There are no risks in this pregnancy."  Instead, I heard the opposite, which would lead to months that seemed like years.


There appears to be a default in my charts.  A preselected medical option that for me ensures great mental anguish.  Most of the time the anguish is unnecessary, but as of late, it's a deep-rooted, heart-wrenching, overwhelming feeling that makes pain water stream from my eyes.